Wednesday, December 30, 2015

A long time ago, in a galaxy where all the cats are polydactyl...

Well, we saw the new Star Wars movie/episode today. I saw the original three when they first ran, when I was in my late 20s. I never bothered with the second three. Some observations from this afternoon:

1. Storm troopers still can't shoot for shizzle.
2. All tropes from the originals are here. If you wanted to play a drinking game, taking a shot every time you recognized some plot movement (never mind every time an original character shows up) you would be quite soused.
3. Despite action including fires, explosions, running through forests, and desert planets where water is scarce, no one's face ever gets smudged, no one's clothing rips or gets grimy, and everyone's fingernails stay clean.
4. Mark Hamill has no lines, but I bet he got paid a lot more than several others--and, he gets top billing, over the title.
5. There is even a reprise of the infamous bar scene, said bar run by a character who looks like a cross between ET and Edna Mode, although I have read that said character is modeled on a writer's high school English teacher.
6. The new generation's evil and petulant dark lord looks like the love child of Ben Stiller and John Travolta. Also, why are all his features too big for his face?
7. They still can't get units right (e.g., parsec as a unit of time??).
8. Similarly, in this galaxy far far away, vacuum transmits sound.
9. Also, F=ma has been suspended for the duration.
10. However, this time around, there is underwear in space.
11. I didn't know light sabers could stab.
12. I'm not sure, but I thought I saw Jar Jar Binks get slaughtered in the first attack scene. (I may not have seen the second three, but, hey, I keep up.)
13. There seems to be an awful lot of burlap, extraterrestrially and fashionistically speaking .


  1. when a movie makes little sense I am OK with it...but when the real world makes little makes me question everything I thought I knew...and when people have poor grammar...I remember that English is the free language where anything goes!Happy New Year!

  2. I saw the new Star Wars with my husband and son, mostly for nostalgia's sake, as I'm not a fantasy fan. But I had a crush on a guy who did back in 1977, and he stood on line all day for the midnight showing at Grauman's Chinese in Hollywood, so I did too. I'm still friends with most of the people who stood on line with me then. I loved the communal feeling of being in a theater with other people who laughed or applauded when those old tropes were trotted out. But the movie was derivative, and too many video games have anesthetized me to feeling excited during the battle scenes. And I wore earplugs through most of those.

  3. Oops! Meant to sign my post - Jane Neff Rollins